For the last month, Mandi has been struggling with girl friends. Michael and I felt the need to step in immediately but knew that Mandi needed to learn to work through some of her issues without mom and dad getting involved. So, we patiently, lovingly helped guide her on how to handle these delicate issues. Every day it seemed to get worse. Her countenance started to change. The happy go lucky teen looked seemed sad most of the time.
Last Friday I had finally came to the point that I could not let this go on any longer. Mandi and I were in the car, I was taking her to a babysitting job when she finally, but very reluctantly gave me permission to call the mom of her friend. I felt that any mother would want to know what was going on. I knew this mother pretty well and felt that we could talk this over without offending one another. So called I did. As soon as I dialled the number I wished that I had taken the time to pray over the words that I was going to say. The last thing I wanted was her to feel like I was accusing her daughter for all that has taken place, when infact I knew very well it takes two to have conflict.
You know, in the mist of frustration when we take that step, not being directed by the Holy Spirit but our own carnal self can be so dangerous. In the few seconds it took for this mom to answer the phone, I asked God to calm my irritated, frustrated heart and talk with 100% grace but with 100% truth. In order to respect the girls that I am talking about I will get to the point.
The phone conversation went better than I could ever imagine. We made an appointment to get these girls together and help them work through the issues that they were dealing with.
The next day Michael, Mandi, Mandi's friend and friend's mom and I sat down to talk things over. What a beautiful time we all had. We adults shared from our hearts our desire for the girls of this 7th grade class to work together and love each other. You see, there are only 7 girls in their class. They have worked through many girl things the last couple of years that they have been together but still have their share of problems. The most important thing that I wanted to communicate was loving each other. In a group that small, these girls have come to know all the strengths and weaknesses of each other. They start to compete against one another and end up using the knowledge of their weaknesses as weapons to tear each other down. Then you have different personalities that play a big part. One might be on the sensitive side and take comments that were meant to be playful and fun too hard. Others tend to say what's on their mind and don't think how it may come across.
WOW! Do you see this same thing in the church or with adult friendships and even marriage partners? As I am writing this I am reminded of Curtis' sermon Sunday on Mercy. I thought that this sermon helped reaffirm what we just talked to Mandi about. In situations like the one I just explained, extending mercy and love and forgiveness will help in restoring hurt relationships; thinking the best of one another, knowing that God created us all different. We need those who are more sensitive in nature. We need those who speak truth in love. We need those introverts and the extroverts. That is what the body is all about, working together and using our God given gifts and personalities for the body of Christ.
Michael just recently went to a worship conference where he heard Rory Noland (the former worship leader of Willow Creek) talk on how to lead a worship team full of different people who have own their ideas of how things should be done. He couldn't stress enough the importance of dealing with the team and individuals with the combination of speaking 100% grace and 100% truth. Truth shouldn't be spoken without it being filled with grace. This is hard to do, but necessary for having a team, or friendship, marriage or whatever work effectively. I particularly liked this and am trying to do this more in my relationship with my husband and children.
Back to Mandi and the friend thing. God definitely was apart of the conversation that took place between the parents and girls. It was so wonderful to see the wall break down and their faces soften as we were talking. I am sure that this won't be the last time that we have to deal with these kind of problems but I am so pleased that my daughter and her friends are learning at an early age how to work through conflict in relationships. Forgiveness and grace took place and friendships were restored.
Here is a wonderful quote from a book that I am reading, entitled, "Refreshing Hope in God, A mother's journey of joy and pain". God's perfect example of exstending grace and forgiveness can encourage us to do the same with each other.
"The Bible repeatedly shows us, no shortcoming or sin, no hurt or challenge, is too big for God's grace to cover. Immersed in Him, we discard the old garment of sin that clung to our lives and are covered with something brand new. It's a quiet presence that envelops us in everlasting love-yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Our flaws are covered-healed-for eternity."
