How many words do you speak?

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I have always found it amazing how God made woman so verbal. If given the chance we could talk all day! Then their is the male who can take a whole day of events and condense it into just a few words. No wonder men are from Mars and Women from Venus!

Of course there is always the exception. I have a 10 year old son who can speak nearly double a mans total words in a given explanation or an event that happened that day in school. I can't believe how that kid can talk. Sometimes, I am guilty of not listening to all the details and waiting for the main point. I am almost always telling him to give me just the facts, not the play by play.

Then there is my now teenage daughter who has fewer words than a mummy. I can hardly get a word out of her, unless it is something she is crazy about...boys, and friends. Believe me when I say, I am so happy when she finally does open up and want to talk. I rarely have to ask her for just the facts.

I think that I am a normal woman who tries to get in my allotted 20,00 and Michael is truly a typical 7,000er, but he must use them at work because he ain't using them at home.

I think the best example of a couple using their allotted words is when you get them alone in a car for a very long road trip. I must keep the conversation going the whole trip (unless I am sleeping) so that there isn't any quiet moments. I will talk about anything and everything. I absolutely hate silence, because, obviously there is something wrong if we are not talking. Right! Then I start to analyze what he's thinking because he's not responding or talking back. Why can't I be secure in the silence of our relationship? Why do I have to fill every second? Maybe he has something important or wonderful to say but I just squelched it by not shutting up.

I obviously have to much time on my hands right now to analyze this or maybe, just maybe I am trying to use up my 20,000 words because I spent the whole, entire day with Joshua and didn't talk to a single other woman until 3:00 this afternoon. Which reminds me of my phone conversation with a fellow pastors wife.

She called me while I was in the pick up line at school. She happened to be behind me in line and thought we'd talk by phone. I ended up monopolizing the whole phone call and had to talk a mile a minute about my problem of losing weight. Really, I needed someone to listen to me because my husband just doesn't understand. Then it was time to get off the phone because we were at the front of the line. The next hour I couldn't shake the fact that I made the whole conversation about me. Maybe she had used her 20,000 words and didn't mind me using mine on her! Or maybe I didn't give her a chance to talk.

God mad men and women so incredibly different, He definitely created women with a greater tendency toward verbal expression than men. It's not bad for us to express ourselves with words or wrong for men to be less verbal. But it does mean that we, as women, must be especially careful about how we use our words.

Here is a thought to ponder- Of the 20,000 words a day that women use, how many of them are being spent helping and encouraging others? How many words are spent tearing others down? How many are spent in a selfish or prideful way? How many are spent in anger? How many are spent carelessly and without thought? How do I use most of my words?

Ouch!! I am so convicted right now!

All of this is making me think I should use my words a little bit less and start to use my ears. To everyone who talks to me on a daily, weekly or even monthly basis- please remind me to listen to you if I start to blabber away. Listening is something I could learn to do a little more with my kids, husband, and my friends. And most definitely, when I do open my mouth, I need to choose life giving words. Words of love, encouragement, and wisdom, and other ways that I am not thinking of right now.

“She opens her mouth
in wisdom, And the
teaching of kindness is
on her tongue.”
Proverbs 31:26

It's Monday Again

I love the weekends when my husband and kids are home and we can enjoy each other. The business of the week is gone and we can slow things down a bit. But the down side is that the house gets messy.

Then Monday hits and boy does it hit hard! I can't ever seem to get my body going, it wants to continue to be lazy and stay in the comfort of my bed. OK, it's not just Mondays but most every day. I don't know how my kids do it. They pop out of bed 5:30 ish to greet the day and they are off running. I've pretty much got them trained in the whole school routine so that I can role out of bed a half and hour before they leave for school, just enough time to touch base about the day and kiss them goodbye.

The best is when one of my children decides to bless me by emptying the dishwasher before they leave. This particular task is NOT my favorite. I would rather, vacuum, dust, do laundry, take out the trash, clean a toilet than unload a dishwasher. I know it doesn't take too long because I have timed it. Seriously! One day I was really fighting with the fact that the dishes were piling up from the day and started complaining to myself about how if the dishwasher was unloaded then I could easily load all the dishes. So I decided to time how long it took. 3 minutes and 45 seconds!! Wow! That didn't take too long. Now I don't see it as such a huge task. But I still don't like it!

This morning happened to be the morning that little Miss Emma decided to empty and load the dishwasher before she left for school. She even told me to leave any hand washing dishes for her to do after school because she loves hand washing. Does this child belong to me? What a perfect surprise for me, especially on a Monday! Oh, did I mention that my love language is acts of service? Yep, I feel really loved this morning! I think I'll get a sweet little note for Emma and stick it on her desk at school when I take Josh. She really values words of encouragement.

Well that is all I can write for now, because it's Monday and I have a lot of acts of service to do for my family so that they feel loved. Do you read how I am trying to syke myself up to clean this darn house? Some days are just like that, I have to remind myself to clean with a happy heart and do it unto the Lord and out of love for my family. Some peppy music helps too.

Have a wonderful Monday!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

The foundations of character are built not by lecture, but by bricks of good example, laid day by day. - Leo B. Blessing

My children watch me. They examine everything I do. Oh no, I don't like this very much because all too much I fail to be a good example for them. All the lectures I have ever preached can be undone just like that. Some days it's hard to maintain self-control when I am tired and stressed out. It's easy to get impatient and unkind when the kids are acting out. I get irritated when they don't do what I ask. I find myself raising my voice when they start to argue and I whine and complain that no one is helping me keep the house clean. Honestly, I have to say that those kind of days do happen and I end up doing the kind of things that I don't want to do, and not do things that I try to teach my children to do.

The other day one of my sweet darlings asked me who disciplines me when I do something naughty. This was just after this child got a discipline for a particular "not so good thing". This certain child tends to keep me on my toes and can stump me pretty good with these type of questions. I preceded to explain that moms and dads are here to teach and train little ones so that they grow up to be law abiding, God fearing adults. This didn't satisfy her too much. I can see why- I really didn't answer her question. What she really wanted to know was, who am I accountable to? This conversation most definitely reminded me that I am accountable for my words and actions and there are consequences for them. God doesn't want me to continue acting in such ways that can be hurtful or destructive to my family.

Most times I feel sick to my stomach for acting in such childish ways; when I throw aside my spirit-filled self and give into my fleshly self. Then there are times that I just want to have my fit. I have it and then feel so much better, but I have 5 other people in the family looking at me like- who are you? Where did you come from? And, why are you acting this way? I may feel a bit better, but I just ran over everyone that I love. These are the times that my actions blow it all.

I had such a fit last week. It was "that" time of month and I felt I deserved to let it all out. I let out all my ugliness for my children and husband to see. It wasn't pretty at all! I was caught in this crazy cycle of not feeling loved or appreciated; which resulted in a bad response that caused those around me to NOT feel love or appreciation toward me. This crazy cycle just kept going until that still small voice or more like a lout booming voice finally got my attention. I felt the Holy Spirits nudging early on, but decided I was not done with my "blah, blah, blah". I wanted to throw my fit just a bit longer until everyone heard me loud and clear. I bet you even my neighbors heard this fit! Sometime, after all the crying and yelling I realized I wasn't getting the response I was looking for. What I needed long before, was to be told to go to my room for a time out. Really, though, would I have listened? Probably not!

After giving up and settling myself in the bed for a long cry because I was so ashamed of my behavior, I started listening to God's voice. He gently was bringing me back to the place where I could seek forgiveness and grace. I needed to put aside my pride and humble myself before Him. Somehow, this is the hardest thing for me to do. I have trouble doing this with my husband, children and God. I know that I am wrong, but I "Hate" to admit it.

I am writing this several days later. I am a humbled wife and mother. I sought forgiveness from my children and husband and received it. I am always amazed at how easily they forgive me. But, I don't want that to give me license to make the same mistakes over and over.

Paul writes in Romans 7 how he has the desire to do the right thing, but finds himself doing just what he doesn't want to do. He goes on to explain that it's the sin in him that is doing it. Yep, this is how I feel! I start the day wanting to be the best mommy, living by example a Godly life, but days don't go perfect. If I am not living a life in step with God and do it all in my own strength then -whoops, I've done it again. I have let that sinful nature take control. In order to live a good example in my home I need to stay attached to Christ all day long. It's constant fellowship, abiding in Him, praying that I am being controlled by the Holy Spirit. It doesn't mean that I am not going to slip up, but those slip ups won't turn into long, outrageous fits that cause destruction. If I am abiding in Christ, then I will be quick to make that 180 degree turn and get back on course.

Yep, my life is an open book and each one of my kids are reading it daily. I am suppose to be their earthly example of living out the fruit of the spirit: love, self control, patience, gentleness, joy, peace. What I say in words can be good and beneficial, but ultimately it's my actions and how I handle myself in difficult situations that will make the lasting impression. It's said, "actions speak louder than words." What I desire more than anything is for them to see their mommy living life through God. I want them to see by example that I CAN NOT, absolutely, positively, no way live a life I desire to live without abiding in Christ.

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For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
(Romans 7:18-25) The Message

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.
(John 15:5) NLT Translation

Slumber Party Fun!

Last night we had seven of Emma's friends over for a slumber party to celebrate Emma's 9th birthday. Mandi also had a friend over to help Emma with the party. Josh joined in the fun and Jeff was happy to be away at a friend's house for the night.

All in all the overnight party was a success!


Playing at the park, pizza, presents, games, cake and ice cream, movie, popcorn, candy, paper dolls, giggles, late night, early morning, cartoons, pancakes and sausage, monkey craft, games, packing up, picking up, quiet house, tired girl, lots of dishes, cleaning up, naps, back to normal.

It was a full 20 hours. Now the question is will I do it again? Let's talk about it later when Emma isn't so tired and the melt down is gone and I get a little sleep. But here are the pics to prove that it really happened!

In The Misty Lowlands

"Give me the grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered for so long."A.W. Tozer

My tears flowed hard last night and today. Emotional and so tired of the pain that at times consumes me. I feel like I can't take any more of this and I am pleading to God for relief. Most of the pain is physical, but I think I am also dealing with pain deep within because I have tried to get through this trial of physical pain in my own strength, and not God's. I am finding that when this happens I fall further away from Him and doubt, fear, insecurities start to take over. The stress of it all is stressing me out! Being in the misty lowlands has worn me out mentally and physically. I feel like life is weighing me down and my tears are the evidence of the pain that I am carrying around.

Last night I didn't sleep a wink. My head hurt constantly and my mind wouldn't rest. It seemed as I cried all night. I usually can have a good cry and them move on, feeling a bit lighter but when the tears come easier and more frequently and seem to last longer than normal I start to wonder if something is really wrong; maybe depression. I am sure that it all works together. I get stressed, I hurt more, I feel depressed. The more I feel depressed, the more I hurt. I spent most of the night trying to lay aside my depressing thoughts, stress, and all the anxieties I am going through and just rest peacefully in God's loving, accepting arms. I pleaded for forgiveness, for I have put my first Love aside and have tried to find comfort, acceptance, peace and love from people and things that cannot full fill me.

This morning, I was back to my old self- pleading desperately to the kids and hubby to listen to me and try to understand my pain. I know they care. They love me. They want to see me functioning like my old self, but it's the same old song over and over. I tried again to get the response I so desire from them but in trying to get it I am pushing them away.

Back on my knees! I come to the alter again to say

"I am sorry Lord for not turning to you. To the One who created me and knows every hair upon my head. You know my every thought. You know when I sit and when I rise. You desire me to draw near to You and seek You for my approval. To get my peace and joy and love from You. To lay down every burden that might bring me stress and lay it at Your feet. You oh Lord are my security."

This afternoon I opened up and vented all my feelings and thoughts to a friend. I rarely show my weaknesses in fear that I will be judged. Being a pastor's wife can cause one to put on the happy face and look as if all is well. I want to be real, but am scared to let the real me show through. In the past I have been hurt deeply by opening up too much. Today, I took that step and shared all my insecurities. In return, I felt total acceptance, love and encouragement. This friend listened well, she sympathized, and totally let me vent. But, she also encouraged me to not stay in this state but to move forward, to submerge myself in God's Word and seek forgiveness from those that I love, but hurt the most-family.

Tonight-My headache is gone. I entered into beautiful family life. Loving words flowed from my mouth. Michael and I cuddled with the kids in our big king bed, and later the two of us enjoyed a lazy evening of just being with one another. I feel so secure and stress free. I see how if I always give into my pain, stress, insecurities, it consumes me and my hope and joy, and other relationships suffer because of it. For the sake of my family and my sanity I need to call on the name of the Lord when I am in the misty lowlands and let Him lead me out.

I called on Your name, O Lord,
From the depths of the pit.
You have heard my voice:
"Do not hide Your ear from my cry for relief,
From my cry for help"
You drew near when I called on You,
And You said, "Do not fear!"
O Lord, You pleaded the cause of my soul;
You redeemed my life.

(Lamentation 3:55-58)

A new look for Emma's room!

Yesterday, my mom and dad drove over from the valley to spend a few hours with Emma, the birthday girl. My mom, Emma and I went shopping in Bend for new bedding for Emma's bed. My dad was the the chauffeur and happened to be ever so patient with us girls.

As I wrote on Emma's birthday post a day or two ago, she is the most particular girl I know. She knows what she wants. It is good though, because since she is particular, she will get only what she absolutely loves and will be so happy with it. Before we left, we looked on line at different stores to see the selections of kids and teen bedding. We were trying to find something that would go perfectly with the monkey theme that she wants for her room. Since Christmas she has been collecting different monkeys and accessories for her room.

She found a particular bedding that she just loved and it happened to be the same comforter that I saw in Good Will the other day. When I saw it I was sure that it was "Emma". I am finally getting a feel for what she likes after 9 years.

So off to Bend we went. 1st stop was Good Will to see if that comforter was there. Sure enough it was. She got to see in person if she liked it. We had them hold it just in case we couldn't find anything else. The price was right at 14.99. We also found two adorable hot pink pillows, which we bought with credit that I had.

Then we hit JC Penney, nothing at all there. We went to Bed Bath & Beyond to look for the one we saw on the website but we couldn't find it, but we did find a soft, large throw that was just like the comforter. Our last stop was Target. Target is the winner store of the day. Emma was leaning toward a hot pink comforter set but was hesitant because it was much like her down comforter that goes under her bedspread. At first she was willing to put that one on top and just add accessories, but Mum, that's grandma for short, showed Emma this adorable hot pink polka-dot set. Emma loved it and the price was right! Papa was there and decided to throw in a set of pretty sheets. Rainbow striped sheets made the perfect match for the comforter. We ran back to BB&B and got the throw and then headed to Good Will to get the comforter that she loved for her top bunk.

After getting home only 2 1/2 hours after we left, a record for Emma in birthday shopping, we made up her bed and decorated her room with cute wall stickers that we found at the 1.00 store. I posted pictures below. The final look was stunning!!! And we had so much fun. Now I have to convince Emma to sleep under the covers instead of on top with a little blanket. She hates messing up her pretty bed!







Just before Mum and Papa headed back over the pass we stopped at Cibelli's for pizza. It ended up being a wonderful day!

I have to talk to my agent...

I think this is just too precious and thought I should blog about it so I didn't forget it.

Michael and I talked to the kids the other day about how we aren't sure how we can keep all of them at the Christian school next year. The question is, do we keep the oldest two in if we can afford it and homeschool the others, or pull them all out to make it fair?

Like I thought, We got a very unpleasant response from everyone except Josh, who, like always would be content enough to stay home with mommy. Emma gave a horrible scream and anounced that she needed her friends; Mandi, said she couldn't see herself anywhere else; and Jeff, well his response got my attention more than anyone elses.

Jeff said,"I refuse to talk about this subject anymore until I talk to my agent!"

I asked,"who is your agent? Is it your best friend?"

He answered,"Nope, God! God hasn't told me that we can't go there yet."

I love it! I love that my son is starting to see that God is involved in our lives and does want to be consulted. He desires our prayers and petitions. So, now, as a family we are seeking God together about the kids' schooling for next year. There is nothing sweeter than that.