MY "HAPPY PLACE"

I just have to blog about my "happy place" experience today at my MRI appointment.

This afternoon, while I really wished that I was outside enjoying this heat wave that we are getting, I was stuck in a machine. Yes, today I had a MRI done on my brain. For those of you who have not had this annoying experience, let me explain.

I walked into the imaging place with just the right clothes on. If you wear clothes without metal on them like sweatpants and a sports bra you are ready to go without changing into some hideous gown and an over sized pair of boxer shorts that don't cover much. I made this mistake last MRI and vowed to wear the appropriate clothing this time.

After entering the room I was placed on this long skinny table that looked as if only my tiny sister would fit on. I was given the recap on how to lie still and not move. After giving me the earplugs to drown out the noise and securing my head and elbows so I didn't move I was set to go. The machine is like a tube and they rolled me deep into the machine. Here's the thing- The first time I did this a year ago I didn't have a fear of being rolled into this machine. Maybe because I didn't know what the experience would be like. Well, this time I found myself getting rather anxious just knowing that I had to lie completely still for such a long period of time. My heart started beating faster and my hands were very clammy. I have never been one to be claustrophobic,but today I was experiencing it.

The kind technician talked me through every bit of what he was going to do. Then the noise started. First it is kind of quiet and I was left with the thoughts in my own head. That doesn't sound bad until those thoughts start to take you place you do not want to go. For instance, I am having this MRI done because my new Dr. who is a chiropractor Neurologist wanted to rule out the worst. With a history of cancer and headaches that started out of nowhere in August,it will be comforting to rule out anything serious or life threatening. Now, I really am not worried about these headaches being anything serious, except that they have rocked my world in a very unpleasant way. However, I found myself starting to worry that maybe something serious would be found. As I was panicking about the posiblility of cancer and then envisioning me with a bald head again I knew that I had to find my "happy place" real soon.


My "happy place"..... what does that look like? I really can't tell you! Michael sometimes will wake up from a dream and tell me he was in his happy place which was at the beach. I can't relate. I have never had a reoccurring dream that took me to a happy place. So, I tried to envision myself in Hawaii. We are actually going there this summer for our 15th anniversary, but it is hard to envision yourself somewhere you've never been, so I moved on.


Think, think, think.....I'm beginning to sound a little bit like Winnie the Pooh..

I am not coming up with anything happy. What is wrong with me? I'm beginning to think that I am just like Eeyore. "Oh my, I've lost my tail." If you don't know much about the book Winnie the Pooh then you won't get it, but Eeyore is extremely negative and I am realizing that so am I! Come on Kristin, shake yourself from all the negative thoughts and think happy, wonderful thoughts

Seriously guys, this was my conversation with myself as I was trying to lie still and not worry about my breathing. The noises were getting louder and longer and I was starting to have trouble talking to myself. I couldn't think as well. Maybe this was a good thing, since my thoughts were plaguing me. So I just laid there hoping it would all be over soon. By this time my head is pounding and I feel like crying. The noise is so loud and the pain is so great. I thought I was here to fix my headaches not to give me a horrific one.

I was just about to push the button the technician told me to use if I needed to stop the process for anything, and God's still small voice told me, "peace be with you". This phrase kept repeating it's self over and over. All of a sudden, my head stopped hurting, my breathing relaxed and I was thinking about how Jesus is my "happy place". Jesus is my peace, my comfort, my protector, my healer, the lover of my soul. He doesn't want me to spend my days searching for that "happy place" when all I need to do is call on Him.

Wow! How could I be so blind to the truth? The world wants to entice us with all the "happy places" and things that make us happy. Then we search and search, looking for that thing that will bring us happiness. What a lie! We could search this whole world over and not find the kind of happiness and peace that God can give us. He is our all in all, our everything. With just a whisper He can calm the most anxious spirit and bring complete and total peace. A peace that passes all understanding. This is what I experienced today and want to experience every day. The beach is nice! But all I want Jesus.

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May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13

The LORD gives strength to his people;
the LORD blesses his people with peace.
Psalms 29:11

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27

You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.
Isaiah 26:3