When the children were all pre-school age and my days were filled with diaper changes, cleaning sticky fingers, reading lots of board books and singing silly songs I couldn't imagine life any other way. In those days all they wanted was Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, and the only peace and quiet I would get was when I had to go to the bathroom, maybe! Some of you (my friends) are still there. I remember a woman older, wiser and very dear to me encourage me to cherish every day I had with them at home because it doesn't last forever. Honestly at that point I couldn't fathom that day would ever come.
Somewhere along the way I blinked and low and behold I was finished with diapers, the walls and chairs had less stickiness on them and the board books and silly songs were ditched for video games and T.V. shows. Oh, and I have to mention I'm not #1 in their life anymore, friends are. I do get a lot more peace and quiet, but them growing up and being in the tween years ( the years between 8 and 12) is more challenging in many ways.
This is why...I found it so much easier to be that positive, happy, sweet, mommy when they were little and cute. The messes they made were, well, expected; the whining and crying they did seemed to have legitimate reasons and I could actually fix almost anything that went wrong with them. Today I found myself grumbling and complaining at my children about the messes they left. "You know better than to step over your nicely folded clothes that I worked so hard to fold. What do you think I am, your slave?" Then I ranted and raved at how ungrateful they were. I nagged about this and that and told them I couldn't take it any more. Then it hit me! Like a ton of bricks when one of my sweet ones yelled back, "Well , You don't have to yell at us like that, we can hear you just fine when you talk nicely". Ooh, did that sting!
I realized that I have been reacting with an unpleasant tone instead of instructing and training in love. Proverbs has many verses about the tongue and controlling it.
Proverbs 18:21 "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 10:32 “The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked, what is perverse.”
Proverbs 14:1 says," the wise woman builds her house".
Romans 8 is a a chapter that deals with the Holy Spirit and his work in our life. Verse 9 says "You , however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. v.10-But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you."
Daily we must consciously choose to center our lives on God and walk in the Spirit. Thanks be to God that I don't have to fix this on my own. I have been given the Holy Spirit who lives in me to be a Helper. He can help me be that positive, loving, joyful mom that I so desperately want to be to my children. It is His power not my own that is at work. My sins are forgiven and He is working on this weaknesses.
Tonight Michael is gone at worship practice and I am alone with the kids. I had a couple children tonight test me and try me in ways one should not be tested and tried. I felt my blood start to boil and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Let's just say that I was at that reaction state again.... however, I experienced great victory because I listened to the voice of the Holy Spirit and sought His power in dealing with my children with a tongue that spoke in love and encouragement. This doesn't mean I wasn't firm in my words, but they weren't damaging.
Somewhere along the way I blinked and low and behold I was finished with diapers, the walls and chairs had less stickiness on them and the board books and silly songs were ditched for video games and T.V. shows. Oh, and I have to mention I'm not #1 in their life anymore, friends are. I do get a lot more peace and quiet, but them growing up and being in the tween years ( the years between 8 and 12) is more challenging in many ways.
This is why...I found it so much easier to be that positive, happy, sweet, mommy when they were little and cute. The messes they made were, well, expected; the whining and crying they did seemed to have legitimate reasons and I could actually fix almost anything that went wrong with them. Today I found myself grumbling and complaining at my children about the messes they left. "You know better than to step over your nicely folded clothes that I worked so hard to fold. What do you think I am, your slave?" Then I ranted and raved at how ungrateful they were. I nagged about this and that and told them I couldn't take it any more. Then it hit me! Like a ton of bricks when one of my sweet ones yelled back, "Well , You don't have to yell at us like that, we can hear you just fine when you talk nicely". Ooh, did that sting!
I realized that I have been reacting with an unpleasant tone instead of instructing and training in love. Proverbs has many verses about the tongue and controlling it.
Proverbs 18:21 "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 10:32 “The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked, what is perverse.”
Proverbs 14:1 says," the wise woman builds her house".
Romans 8 is a a chapter that deals with the Holy Spirit and his work in our life. Verse 9 says "You , however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. v.10-But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you."
Daily we must consciously choose to center our lives on God and walk in the Spirit. Thanks be to God that I don't have to fix this on my own. I have been given the Holy Spirit who lives in me to be a Helper. He can help me be that positive, loving, joyful mom that I so desperately want to be to my children. It is His power not my own that is at work. My sins are forgiven and He is working on this weaknesses.
Tonight Michael is gone at worship practice and I am alone with the kids. I had a couple children tonight test me and try me in ways one should not be tested and tried. I felt my blood start to boil and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Let's just say that I was at that reaction state again.... however, I experienced great victory because I listened to the voice of the Holy Spirit and sought His power in dealing with my children with a tongue that spoke in love and encouragement. This doesn't mean I wasn't firm in my words, but they weren't damaging.
2 comments:
Thank you Kristin! ...for the reminders to enjoy this age, because it does slip away sooo fast...and for the encouragement in speaking to my children with kindness and love. I love your vulnerability and your heart!
but Your a pastor's wife. I thought you had it all figured out. :) Seriously, Kristin, you do a beautiful job as a mommy, helpmate to Michael, and friend to many. Thank you for your honesty in this post and your vulnerableness. It helps us all learn and reflect on our own lives and reactions to things. I think it's so neat that even as a pastor's wife, you are so willing to share the truth, which we can all relate to.
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