Saturday, January 10, 2009

She's a Teenager


January 10th, 1996, my sweet first born and apple of my eye was born. Amanda Janae was born at 4:30 am in Wenatchee, WA.

How completely delighted we were to have a beautiful baby girl.

Mandi has been a complete joy to raise. Her spirited personality is contagious and her love and devotion to God is something special.

Now, I have a teenager- This sweet, sensitive, energetic girl is quickly changing into an incredible young lady. I only get just a few more years of her at home. How time has flown. I am excited, however, to see what God has in store for her. I believe He will use her in so many wonderful ways to touch the lives of other.

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Happy Birthday, Mandi!

We feel so blessed to have you as our daughter. You have brought us 13 years of laughter and fun. With you there is never a dull moment. We love how kind hearted you are and how you think of others. You are such a special lady. We know God has great plans for you. Stay true to Him and seek Him with all your heart. He will direct your paths.

Lots of love, Mommy and Daddy







Thursday, January 8, 2009

Part 2: Bad or Good?

I love my husband so much! This morning he woke up and quietly whispered in my ear that he knew the answer to the riddle. With just waking up, and still very sleepy, I had no idea what he was talking about.

"What riddle," I asked. I didn't know that I was trying to solve a riddle.

"The riddle to the Chinese tale whether it is good or bad," he answered.

This woke me up a little faster, because I specifically blogged about how it is a question that really can't be answered, or so I thought.

My husband preceded to give me the answer. An answer that truly answers this question. I almost felt ashamed that I didn't think of it while I was writing my post the other night. Any how, the answer has been there all along, in the Bible!

Here it is.....

Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."


I also like the Message Bible version of this verse.

"That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Bad or Good?


There is an ancient Chinese tale about a man who raised horses for a living. When one of his prized stallions ran off and could not be located, his friends gathered at his home to mourn his great loss. After they had expressed their concern, the man turned to them and asked; "How do I know whether what happened is bad or good?"

A few days went by and the runaway horse returned with several stray horses of considerable values following close behind him. The same acquaintances again came to his house, this time to celebrate his good fortune. "But how do I know whether it's good or bad?" the man asked them.

Later that day the horse kicked the owner's son and broke the young man's leg, severely injuring him. Once again the crowd gathered, this time to express their condolences for the accident. "But how do I know if this is bad or good?" the father asked once again.

A few days later, a terrible war broke out in their land. The man's son was exempted from military service because of his broken leg. Once again his friends gathered and...

Author Unknown

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I read this Chinese tale the other day and reflected back through the years and the good and bad times that we as a family have gone through. There are so many instances when hardship was thrown our way and it seemed so bad. The kind of bad that you couldn't possibly imagine any good coming out of it.

Here is our story. I must adimit a bit long, but it is very good for me to put into writing.

Several years ago Michael was serving in our home town church. This was a prayer come true because just months before at a church in Tacoma, Michael, out of the blue got fired from our dream church job because they made a case against him saying he was a visionary leader instead of an administrative leader. The whole experience was surreal. Out of a job and no desire to stay in Tacoma, we headed home to our home town, Grants Pass to be closer to family. It wasn't long after this that he got the job at the church that Michael and I attended before we were married. We had a lot of wonderful history with the pastor of this church. Taking this job was "good" or was it "bad"? I really don't know. This is a question that I don't need to answer. However, sadly enough this church found reason to let Michael go.

We were feeling stress and disunity at this church and I saw where it was going so I encouraged Michael to start looking at other options around the country. One of my prayers was that God would keep us close to parents and in the North West. The hope was to find a job somewhere before we lost ours, so the mark of being fired wasn't on our resume. The Sunday after we were fired we drove to Eugene to check out a church that Michael had been looking at. We snuck in and tried to sneak out without drawing attention to ourselves. The greeter, however, was so friendly and very good at his job and was able to get a little info out of us. He got our names and where we were from. He called the pastor over and introduced us. This pastor connected the dots and asked if Michael was the one he had corresponded with. Of course, now we had a mark on ourselves of being fired. This pastor and his wife invited us out to dinner and then over to their house to get to know us and love on two wounded people who loved ministry but had been burned. We walked away encouraged but this church had already invited someone to fill their position. Hang in there.... this story only gets better, or maybe worse. You will have to read to find out.

We went back to GP. Michael started school to become a computer programmer and I to support him and mother 3 small children. We felt God telling us to pursue another line of work. Plugging along in this endeavour, we weren't expecting to here from this pastor ever again, but our memories of our time together lingered in our minds and hearts. Four months or so later, I received a call from this pastor asking what Michael was up to. I told him that we had switched directions and felt good about the road on which we were headed. He asked to talk to Michael. That night Michael called back, and I remember the one sided conversation so vividly to this day. Excitement built in me as I heard my husband talk passionately about what he loved most, worship. Four months later we were moving to Eugene to be apart of a wonderful church and community that is dear to our hearts.

Fast forward three years. Like most of our experience in churches, the first 2 years go very well. In Eugene we bought a house and even grew our family by adding Joshua. We had wonderful friends and for the first time experiencing stability. The downward spiral happened so fast. Again, we encountered problems. It is usually the same old thing- someone isn't happy with how the ministry is being lead and things go from good, to bad, to worse. One Saturday we get a call from the elders telling us that we our loved and safe and things will blow over and the next Saturday we are called into the church to discuss an exit strategy. Again, I remember so vividly the pain we felt and the shock of how fast things can turn around. Before we knew it we were out of a job again and putting up a for sale sign. This is bad right? or is this good?

So now we are moving to the Salem area to be closer to family and a community college where Michael could finish that computer programming job that my dad suggested he finish while being at the church. Just as we were moving, Michael suggested that we all get physicals because our insurance was going to run out soon. Now, you have to understand that I wasn't one to go to the doctor. I had perfect health. The joke was always, we may be broke and out of a job but at least we have our health! I didn't even go to my 6 week post pardom appointment. So reluctantly I went. It was at this particular appointment that my doctor discovered a small ridge on my left breast. This took me to my first mammogram at the age of 30 where they discovered that my left breast looked fine but my right had a small calcification. But not to worry because 97% of calcification's at my age were no problem at all. Of course, I fell into the 3%, and that small calcification turned out to be cancerous. This cancer had been growing at a slow rate since my early twenties. The small part was good, but the bad part was that it had already moved to my lymph nodes.

So recap- Was it bad that we lost the job or good?

I am pretty sure that if we weren't losing out insurance, I wouldn't have gone to the doctor like I did. Not to mention that the doctor misdiagnosed a small lump on the wrong breast. It is so amazing how God works.

Now we are living in Aumsville, Oregon, wondering how I am going to go through treatments when the insurance is running out. Michael doesn't have a job and the future looks so bleak. (Remember, now, that we are pretty through with occupational ministry. We were very happy to be done with church. No, I don't mean fellowshipping at one but to be involved in the politics or the inner workings of one.)Now it is one month from the time that our insurance was going stop. I had had all of my surgeries and the next step was chemo. I was suppose to start it but was holding off to see how God was going to work this one out. Michael got a message on his phone from this pastor in Central Oregon. He had gotten his name from someone who had been on his worship team way back in Grants Pass days. I remember vividly how Michael was not interested in calling him back. We were in the car commuting to Eugene for a post operation doctor visit, and I told him that he must return this guys call. After all it is very rude to ignore it. So call back he did. The rest is history.....

Well I should at least finish the good part. About 1 week after talking to this pastor we were in Redmond interviewing for the job. Michael went back over the mountain and I stayed at Eagle Crest because I had previously planned before all this happened to had a nice, restful weekend with some of my closest friends before I started all my treatments. I remember Michael calling me at Eagle Crest to inform me that he got the job and to start looking for a place to live. It is amazing how God works! My close friend from GP stayed with me and we drove around looking at rentals. Two weeks later we moved the family to Redmond on Labor Day. The kids started school at the beginning of the year and our insurance kicked in just as the other one was ending. I started chemo 2 weeks later.

God has been good and we have seen his hand of mercy. We have also seen incredible growth in our lives. Michael and I are not the same people today because of the refining that has taken place. Because of this, I wouldn't want one single thing to change. I know our story is not over. In fact, even though we are experiencing a healthy, safe, loving church and job wise all is good, I am going through about all I can handle health wise. It is by the grace of God that I haven't crumbled yet. I trust he is and will work this out for His glory. Then there is the future- what will it hold? Honestly, I have learned to not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries of its own. All I need to do today is rest in the arms of my Father and trust that He will provide for my every need like He promises.

I can't believe I wrote all of this down. I am even wondering if I should post this now. I think I wrote this more for my own benefit than ever benefiting those who may happen to read it. More than anything, this post helped me see that I have moved on from the past and have seen how God works through the good and the bad.

So is it "Bad or Good"? Really, all I want to ask is, is what I am going through (good or bad) going to make me more like Christ and bring glory to Him.


Monday, January 5, 2009

Back To A Routine


The kids left bright and early this morning to go back to school. It was so hard to get everyone up and moving, especially myself. I have been sleeping in for two weeks and haven't used an alarm clock. Back to a routine it is! Lunches to make, homework to do, basketball practice, games, piano lessons and much more I can't remember at this time.

Whether your kids are going back to school away from home or at home I know that getting back to a routine will bring sanity and a little peace to the house. Kids and parents do thrive with some kind of structure. I for one, am not an organized person. Michael recognizes this in me and is trying to convince me or rather encourage me to organize my day so that I can fit into it all the important stuff. I already woke up this morning feeling quite depressed that I didn't get up before the kids to read my Bible or get some exercise in. Once I am downstairs and start the day, cleaning and all the other chores that go along with being a mom and wife consume my day and I don't usually get to those things that will keep my healthy spiritually or physically.

So , I am going to try and somewhat organize myself. For starters, there will be no computer until I have spent time with God. I did that this morning and blogging could only happen after talking to God and Him talking to me. Second, well I'm not sure yet, but I plan on trying to figure out when I am going to fit in exercise because I really want to go snorkeling when I go to Hawaii for my 15th anniversary. Even though the kids are at school I still have my days full with childcare. This means I need to be on top of things more than ever. This goes against my nature but it's essential for a happy home and mommy. So, I better stop writing about it and be proactive.

I pray that all of you will have an easy transition back to routine after this Christmas break. Maybe some of you never stopped your routine and to that I say "way to go"! You are probably like my daughter Emma who thrives on organization and routine. It is definitely a God given gift.
I wish I had that in me but I am who I am! I just have to work a little bit harder at it.

If you have any helpful hints on how to get organized I gladly welcome them. I need all the help I can get!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Slept 16 hours!!

Have you ever slept 16 hours before? Well today was a first for me. I woke up with a horrible headache around 7 am and decided to wade it out by staying in bed and neglecting my family. After taking the strongest of drugs that are allowed , I finally fell back asleep to sleep the day away, except for a few brief interruptions from my husband and kids to make sure that mommy was still alive. At one point,Josh and Mandi woke me up to give me a pretty rose and a cute teddy bear that they bought at the store. How sweet is that! I know how to get presents now...just stay in bed all day and sleep and you husband and kids bring the gifts. Maybe they were gifts to say," get up mommy we need you". I said thank you and turned over and went back to bed. It wasn't until 5pm that I got up.

I'm not sure what prompted this. I am feeling a bit achy tonight in my muscles and I have a little headache. I imagine that I must be fighting something to cause me to be dead to the world for almost 16 hours. My question is... will I sleep tonight? I hope that I will because if not, it means that I will be spending my awake hours blogging- a lot!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

My Almost Christmas Baby turns 5!!

Two days after Christmas, five years ago my precious, fourth child was born . Joshua Maxwell Kuhlman came into this world and blessed our lives. A few days ago he turned five. He is and will always be our little baby, but is now a big boy. I remember so vividly the early morning he was born and the pure joy he brought three cute siblings and his mom and dad.

Joshy still brings all of us so much joy everyday. He is ever so funny and flashes his contagious smile all day long. He is a happy, easy going boy and rarely gets into trouble. Maybe because he is our fourth! I am so, completely content and happy to have him still home with me when he isn't in preschool. He is my shadow and very best companion at home. Oh to think that I thought I was done having babies after three. Thanks be to God for bringing Joshua into our lives. Life wouldn't be the same without him. And I know I speak for everyone in this family.

I wasn't able to post this on his birthday, but any day is a great day to post about this precious life that God gave us.

Here are some favorite pics of this very special boy!

Just hours old

8 months old

One Year

2 years old

3 years old

4 years old

5 years old

Resolutions For Godly Living

Nancy Leigh Demoss based this following message on a very helpful set of resolutions Jonathan Edwards made as a teenager. When you read these resolutions for yourself, you’ll be challenged to live a life of purpose. Don’t just drift through 2009. Read more about Jonathan Edwards in a booklet called Resolutions for Godly Living.

To read more of Nancy's series on "Resosutions for a New Year" visit her website, Revive Our Hearts.

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I can remember when I was growing up that at the end of each year or the beginning of each new year, my dad would gather us together as a family and would challenge us to make some New Year’s resolutions. Did you make New Year’s resolutions when you were growing up? Perhaps you still do.

I can remember he would tell us if we would make our New Year’s resolutions keep them all year long, we could have anything we wanted. It seemed like the thing we would challenge him with was, “Even a horse? If we want a horse?” That was the biggest thing we could think of to ask. He said, “Even a horse, if you keep your New Year’s resolutions all year long.”

Well, he knew what it took us a few years to learn, and that is, left to ourselves, we would not be able to keep those resolutions. But he also understood there was value in taking time at certain key turning points. The turning of a year certainly is a good time to do that—to evaluate what are the areas of need in our lives and what areas do we want to focus attention on as we continue in our growth in Christ.

As you read some of the biographies of some of the great Christians of the past, you’ll find that many of them did make resolutions. They would ask God to search their hearts and show them areas of need. Then they would list things they wanted to see changed in their lives.

I discovered not too long ago a series of 70 resolutions that were written by Jonathan Edwards. He, as you know, was a great pastor and Christian thinker and leader. He was one of the men that God used in a significant way in the First Great Awakening here in the United States. In his memoirs, we have a list of 70 resolutions that he made over a period of a couple of years. I did not know until recently that all these resolutions were written by the time he was 20 years of age. Oh the value of early in life seeking the Lord as Jonathan Edwards did.

Today I want us to look at some of those resolutions and some in particular areas of focus that emerge as we read those resolutions.

The first thing that strikes me as I read through this long list—and, by the way, the list is in language that’s a little old fashioned, so I’m going to paraphrase at points what he said to make it a little bit more understandable for our modern ears. As you read those resolutions, you see that he resolved to live a purposeful life. For Jonathan Edwards, he was not going to let life just happen to him. Even as a teenager, he said, “I want to live intentionally. I don’t want to just drift through life. I don’t want to just exist as so many people do.”

As you read his resolutions, you see that he had one supreme purpose. He was going to live purposefully. He identified what was his purpose in life. The thing that comes shining through as a thread in these resolutions is that he realized that he existed for the glory of God. This was what moved him and motivated him and drove him even as a young man.

Let me read to you a couple of those resolutions. He said, “Resolved: Never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, but what tends to the glory of God.

“Resolved: That I will do whatsoever I think will be most to the glory of God. Resolved: To do so whatever difficulties I meet with, no matter how many or how great those difficulties.”

Nothing else seemed important to him next to this matter of living and dying for the glory of God.

You say, “How does this live out—this matter of living to the glory of God?” Well, some of his resolutions show the very practical way that he envisioned living life for the glory of God. For example, in his use of time, he said, “Resolved: Never to lose one moment of time, but to improve it or use it or maximize it in the most profitable way I possibly can.”

He realized that one day in eternity he would be giving an account to God for how he used his time here on earth, and he wanted to be able to look back and to say, “God, I have glorified You with what I did with the moments You gave me here on earth.”

He wanted to live wholeheartedly. He knew this would bring glory to God, so there’s a sense of earnestness that comes through in these resolutions. He said, “Resolved: To live with all my might while I do live.”

Can you imagine most 18- and 19-year-olds that you know thinking that way? Can you imagine most of us thinking that way? Once we settle the issue of why we’re living, all of life takes on a different perspective. Once we settle the issue that:

It’s not about me.
It’s not about my convenience.
It’s not about my comfort.
It’s not about my happiness.
It’s not about who likes me, who accepts me.
It’s not about, “Am I fulfilled in what I’m doing here in life?”
It is all that matters is that God is glorified, that He is pleased with my life.
Then we can endure and bear up under circumstances and challenges that we might not otherwise be able to face if we know that, “My sole purpose for living is to bring glory to God.”

So Edwards resolved to live purposefully, to live an intentional life. As part of that, we then see that he resolved to live a growing life—not just to stay where he was spiritually, but to keep pressing on, to keep seeking new heights in his relationship with the Lord.

He knew that the study of the Scripture was an important part of living a growing life, and that that was how he would bring glory to God. So he said, “Resolved: To study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly, and frequently that I may find myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.”

That reminds me of what Peter said in the end of his second e`pistle. He said, “Grow in the grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (3:18). And then the next line, “To Him be glory.” How do we bring God glory on this earth? By growing in our knowledge of Him, our understanding of His ways.

Edwards said, “I am resolved to strive every week to be brought higher spiritually and to a higher level of grace than I was the week before.” Now that’s a challenge to me. As I was reading his resolutions last night, I found myself wondering, “Am I further ahead spiritually this week than I was this time last week?” How about you? Have you grown in grace, in your knowledge of Christ, in your knowledge of His Word in the last week? Have you grown in the last month?

Think about where you were a year ago as you look back over this past year. Can you say, “I’ve grown spiritually. I know more of the heart and the ways of God. I’ve grown in grace. I’m not where I want to be. I’m not where, by God’s grace, I’m going to be. But by God’s grace, I’m further in my walk with Him and in my ability to glorify Him than I was this time last year.”

Do you love Him more?
Do you know Him more?
Are you pleasing Him more with your life?
Are you growing in your walk with God?
Edwards purposed to live an examined life—an examined life, to keep bringing his life under the scrutiny of the Word and the Spirit of God. He didn’t want to take it for granted that everything was okay in his life. He purposed really to live an accountable life—to be accountable to God for where he was in his spiritual walk. Let me read to you some of the resolutions that show this purpose to live an examined life.

He said, “Resolved: To inquire every night as I’m going to bed wherein I have been negligent, what sin I have committed, and wherein I have denied myself, and not just every night, but also at the end of every week, month, and year.”

He said, “Resolved: To inquire every night before I go to bed whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could with respect to eating and drinking.” He said, “At the end of every day, it’s important to me to look back on the day and see if I have been temperate in my eating and drinking habits.”

You say, “Why should that be something that we should examine every night. I’m not sure I want to think about this before I go to bed every night.” But Edwards realized that if he was going to give glory to God, which was his supreme purpose in life, that it mattered that he would eat and drink to the glory of God. So he said, “Every night before I go to bed, I’m going to let God search my heart.”

“Resolved: Constantly, with the utmost diligence and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest or a part in Christ or not, so that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of.” What was Edwards saying? He said, “On a regular basis, constantly and diligently, I’m going to examine my heart to make sure that I am in Christ.”

We have a theology today in our country that pretty much says, “If you pray this prayer, you receive Christ. You’ve got eternal security; you will never be separated from Christ.” Then we kind of forget about the whole matter of our salvation. But the apostle Paul said to the Corinthians, “Examine yourselves" (11:27), not just once, but repeatedly, and make sure that you are in the faith. Edwards said, “I’m going to perpetually, constantly, with great rigor and scrutiny examine myself and make sure that there is evidence that I am in Christ.”

In the early days of our nation’s history, in order to become a member of a church, you didn’t just walk forward and say, “I want to join this church.” You didn’t just go to a three-week class on church membership. You had to give, and this was written into many of our early church constitutions, you had to give what they called “credible evidence” of conversion. And Edwards was saying, “I’m not going to take for granted something as important as the eternal condition of my soul.

Now, this doesn’t mean that he lived in fear that he would be separated from Christ. But he said, “I want to regularly evaluate and make sure that there is evidence that Christ lives in me and that I belong to Him.” He purposed to live an examined life.

He said, “Resolved: Whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, [when my conscience is troubling me, even just a little bit, or I am aware of the least irregularity without, I see something in my actions, my external behavior, that isn’t consistent with the Word and the ways of God, what will I do?] I will subject myself to the strictest examination."

I’m not going to let it go. I’m going to stop and say, "What’s the issue here? What is God trying to say to me? What is the need in my life?" I’m not just going to live this life that just exists, but I’m going to deal with the issues that God brings to my attention.

We do this physically. When we get symptoms of maybe a stomach problem or a head cold or we have physical symptoms, immediately we say, “What’s wrong?” And, “What can I do to fix this? What can I do to get at the root that is causing this symptom in my life?” But in our spiritual life, so many of us just ignore the symptoms. We just let them go. We overlook them. And Edwards says, “No. I’m not going to overlook these symptoms. I’m going to go back and say, ‘What do I need to deal with?’”

We do this in so many areas of our lives. There’s not a day that goes by that you and I don’t look in the mirror. I mean, we do. We want to know, “How do we look?” I do something—I don’t know if this is a good habit or not, but perhaps many of you can relate. I step on the scales every day. We get regular physical checkups, as we’ve already said. We get regular dental checkups—I have a dental appointment next week. In Michigan where I live, every four years you have to take a driver’s test, a written test to renew your driver’s license. The State of Michigan says you have to live an examined life. You don’t have to do that here? Maybe I’ll move.

I regularly reconcile my checkbook. I take my bank statement and put it up next to my checkbook. I want to see how I’m doing financially. I want to see that the money I think is in the bank actually is in the bank. So we take stock of how we’re doing financially, and in so many areas of our lives.

Edwards said, “That’s the kind of life I want to live spiritually. So daily, weekly, monthly, every year, I’m going to stop and look in the mirror, get on the scales, pull out the checkbook, and say, ‘Oh, God, search my heart. Try me. Know me. See if there be any wicked way in me.’”

Edwards purposed to live a holy life. He wanted to live a life that was not only positionally holy, knowing that when he came to faith in Christ that he’d been clothed with the righteousness of Christ, but also that he was practically living out that holiness that God had put within him. He wanted to know that it was being worked out in his daily life, and he purposed to live a life of practical personal holiness. This comes out in a number of his resolutions.

He said, for example, “Resolved: In narrations," that is, when I’m speaking, when I’m telling stories. "Resolved: Never to speak anything but the pure and simple truth.” It mattered to him that in his speech, in his words, that what he said in everything would be true.

The Lord has really challenged my own life and has made me increasingly sensitive to the truthfulness of every word that I speak. Those of you who know me well know that I frequently find myself having to back up and restate something that I just said. It's not always because I intended to say something that wasn’t true, but sometimes as the words come out of your mouth, you realize, “That’s not quite how it happened. That’s not quite how it was.”

The Lord has challenged me to purpose to speak the truth to every person in every situation, no matter what the cost. And when I don’t, to go back and restate it, to make it right.

Why is that important? Because God is truth, and if we want to be like Him, then there must be in us no shadow of turning, no variation, no hypocrisy—just purely speaking the truth. That was a matter of practical holiness for Jonathan Edwards.

Another matter of practical holiness that was important to him, he said, “Resolved: Never to do anything of which I so much as question the lawfulness.” What’s he saying there? “If I have any question in my heart about whether what I’m about to do is acceptable to God and His Word, then I’m not going to do it. If there’s any doubt in my heart that this is biblically acceptable, that it’s lawful according to the Word of God, then I don’t want to do it.”

So many of us today try and see how close we can get to sin without getting caught up in it. “How far can I go before it’s sin? Is this okay? Is this okay?”

I wish we would today have the heart of some of our forebearers spiritually, men like Jonathan Edwards, who would say, “I don’t want to get as close to sin as I can. I don’t want to know how far I can go towards sin. I want to know how far I can stay away from it. I want to know how close I can get to that which is pure and holy and good and above reproach.”

Paul tells us in Romans whatever is not of faith is sin. If there’s doubt in your heart that God is giving freedom in His Word, then Edwards is saying, “Why do it?”

Edwards’ biographer, commenting on these resolutions, spoke about his passion for purity. He said, “The man who could thus write—who could write these kinds of resolutions—was not one who could easily trifle with sin, or who could enter any of its paths without the immediate reproofs of an offended conscience. He had a sensitive conscience.” I tell you—that’s what I want.

I think that’s what many of you want. I want a conscience that is touch-sensitive to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, that God doesn’t have to shout to get my attention, that just the slightest prompting and whispering of His Holy Spirit through His Word and through my conscience becomes something that I quickly say, “Yes, Lord.”

Edwards knew that he had a sinful flesh to deal with, that he was not always going to live this way. So in his resolutions, he also purposes to live a life where he is constantly waging battle against his sinful flesh. He says, for example, “Resolved: Whenever I do any sinful action, to trace it back till I come to the original cause." "I want to find out what’s at the root,” he said, “of this sinful act I committed. Then,” he said, “I will carefully endeavor to do so no more and to fight and pray with all my might against the root, against the original of that sin.”

He said, “Resolved: Never to give over nor in the least to slacken my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.” He knew that there were besetting sins, there were things in his life that had perhaps a stronger grip than others. I think of my own life. I think of some sin issues I have battled with for years and years—and I see some heads nodding. Some of you are thinking of something in your own life.

Edwards was recognizing that these besetting sins do exist, but he said, “I’m not just going to live comfortably with those issues of my flesh. I’m not just going to resign myself to have to live a defeated Christian life. I’m going by the power of God’s Spirit to wage a relentless warfare against that sin and against its roots.”

Edwards recognized that he could not fulfill these resolutions in his own power. In fact, at the beginning of these resolutions, Edwards wrote these words: “Being conscious that I am unable to do anything without God’s help, I do humbly plead with Him, by His grace, to enable me to keep these resolutions so far as they are agreeable to His will for Christ’ sake.”

So we see here a man who knew he could not please God in his own strength, in his own energy. That as resolved as he was, it took a whole lot more than some New Year’s resolutions to live a holy life. It took the grace and the power of God. He said, “I can’t do this without God’s help, so I’m pleading with Him. If these resolutions are pleasing to Him, then, oh God, would You be the One who fulfills them in me?”

What is it that God’s put on your heart to believe Him to do in your life over this next year?
Are there areas of sinful flesh that you’d like to see victory?
Are there areas of holiness that you need to pursue?
Has God been putting specific issues on your heart? “You need to deal with this. You need to deal with that.”
Start by purposing to pursue holiness, purposing to live that examined life, and then say, “Oh, Lord, I can’t do this on my own. Flesh is flesh, and all my hope is Christ and His righteousness living in me and living His life through me. By Your grace, oh Lord, perfect that which You have put in my heart to do for Your glory.”

 

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