Bad or Good?

There is an ancient Chinese tale about a man who raised horses for a living. When one of his prized stallions ran off and could not be located, his friends gathered at his home to mourn his great loss. After they had expressed their concern, the man turned to them and asked; "How do I know whether what happened is bad or good?"

A few days went by and the runaway horse returned with several stray horses of considerable values following close behind him. The same acquaintances again came to his house, this time to celebrate his good fortune. "But how do I know whether it's good or bad?" the man asked them.

Later that day the horse kicked the owner's son and broke the young man's leg, severely injuring him. Once again the crowd gathered, this time to express their condolences for the accident. "But how do I know if this is bad or good?" the father asked once again.

A few days later, a terrible war broke out in their land. The man's son was exempted from military service because of his broken leg. Once again his friends gathered and...

Author Unknown

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I read this Chinese tale the other day and reflected back through the years and the good and bad times that we as a family have gone through. There are so many instances when hardship was thrown our way and it seemed so bad. The kind of bad that you couldn't possibly imagine any good coming out of it.

Here is our story. I must adimit a bit long, but it is very good for me to put into writing.

Several years ago Michael was serving in our home town church. This was a prayer come true because just months before at a church in Tacoma, Michael, out of the blue got fired from our dream church job because they made a case against him saying he was a visionary leader instead of an administrative leader. The whole experience was surreal. Out of a job and no desire to stay in Tacoma, we headed home to our home town, Grants Pass to be closer to family. It wasn't long after this that he got the job at the church that Michael and I attended before we were married. We had a lot of wonderful history with the pastor of this church. Taking this job was "good" or was it "bad"? I really don't know. This is a question that I don't need to answer. However, sadly enough this church found reason to let Michael go.

We were feeling stress and disunity at this church and I saw where it was going so I encouraged Michael to start looking at other options around the country. One of my prayers was that God would keep us close to parents and in the North West. The hope was to find a job somewhere before we lost ours, so the mark of being fired wasn't on our resume. The Sunday after we were fired we drove to Eugene to check out a church that Michael had been looking at. We snuck in and tried to sneak out without drawing attention to ourselves. The greeter, however, was so friendly and very good at his job and was able to get a little info out of us. He got our names and where we were from. He called the pastor over and introduced us. This pastor connected the dots and asked if Michael was the one he had corresponded with. Of course, now we had a mark on ourselves of being fired. This pastor and his wife invited us out to dinner and then over to their house to get to know us and love on two wounded people who loved ministry but had been burned. We walked away encouraged but this church had already invited someone to fill their position. Hang in there.... this story only gets better, or maybe worse. You will have to read to find out.

We went back to GP. Michael started school to become a computer programmer and I to support him and mother 3 small children. We felt God telling us to pursue another line of work. Plugging along in this endeavour, we weren't expecting to here from this pastor ever again, but our memories of our time together lingered in our minds and hearts. Four months or so later, I received a call from this pastor asking what Michael was up to. I told him that we had switched directions and felt good about the road on which we were headed. He asked to talk to Michael. That night Michael called back, and I remember the one sided conversation so vividly to this day. Excitement built in me as I heard my husband talk passionately about what he loved most, worship. Four months later we were moving to Eugene to be apart of a wonderful church and community that is dear to our hearts.

Fast forward three years. Like most of our experience in churches, the first 2 years go very well. In Eugene we bought a house and even grew our family by adding Joshua. We had wonderful friends and for the first time experiencing stability. The downward spiral happened so fast. Again, we encountered problems. It is usually the same old thing- someone isn't happy with how the ministry is being lead and things go from good, to bad, to worse. One Saturday we get a call from the elders telling us that we our loved and safe and things will blow over and the next Saturday we are called into the church to discuss an exit strategy. Again, I remember so vividly the pain we felt and the shock of how fast things can turn around. Before we knew it we were out of a job again and putting up a for sale sign. This is bad right? or is this good?

So now we are moving to the Salem area to be closer to family and a community college where Michael could finish that computer programming job that my dad suggested he finish while being at the church. Just as we were moving, Michael suggested that we all get physicals because our insurance was going to run out soon. Now, you have to understand that I wasn't one to go to the doctor. I had perfect health. The joke was always, we may be broke and out of a job but at least we have our health! I didn't even go to my 6 week post pardom appointment. So reluctantly I went. It was at this particular appointment that my doctor discovered a small ridge on my left breast. This took me to my first mammogram at the age of 30 where they discovered that my left breast looked fine but my right had a small calcification. But not to worry because 97% of calcification's at my age were no problem at all. Of course, I fell into the 3%, and that small calcification turned out to be cancerous. This cancer had been growing at a slow rate since my early twenties. The small part was good, but the bad part was that it had already moved to my lymph nodes.

So recap- Was it bad that we lost the job or good?

I am pretty sure that if we weren't losing out insurance, I wouldn't have gone to the doctor like I did. Not to mention that the doctor misdiagnosed a small lump on the wrong breast. It is so amazing how God works.

Now we are living in Aumsville, Oregon, wondering how I am going to go through treatments when the insurance is running out. Michael doesn't have a job and the future looks so bleak. (Remember, now, that we are pretty through with occupational ministry. We were very happy to be done with church. No, I don't mean fellowshipping at one but to be involved in the politics or the inner workings of one.)Now it is one month from the time that our insurance was going stop. I had had all of my surgeries and the next step was chemo. I was suppose to start it but was holding off to see how God was going to work this one out. Michael got a message on his phone from this pastor in Central Oregon. He had gotten his name from someone who had been on his worship team way back in Grants Pass days. I remember vividly how Michael was not interested in calling him back. We were in the car commuting to Eugene for a post operation doctor visit, and I told him that he must return this guys call. After all it is very rude to ignore it. So call back he did. The rest is history.....

Well I should at least finish the good part. About 1 week after talking to this pastor we were in Redmond interviewing for the job. Michael went back over the mountain and I stayed at Eagle Crest because I had previously planned before all this happened to had a nice, restful weekend with some of my closest friends before I started all my treatments. I remember Michael calling me at Eagle Crest to inform me that he got the job and to start looking for a place to live. It is amazing how God works! My close friend from GP stayed with me and we drove around looking at rentals. Two weeks later we moved the family to Redmond on Labor Day. The kids started school at the beginning of the year and our insurance kicked in just as the other one was ending. I started chemo 2 weeks later.

God has been good and we have seen his hand of mercy. We have also seen incredible growth in our lives. Michael and I are not the same people today because of the refining that has taken place. Because of this, I wouldn't want one single thing to change. I know our story is not over. In fact, even though we are experiencing a healthy, safe, loving church and job wise all is good, I am going through about all I can handle health wise. It is by the grace of God that I haven't crumbled yet. I trust he is and will work this out for His glory. Then there is the future- what will it hold? Honestly, I have learned to not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries of its own. All I need to do today is rest in the arms of my Father and trust that He will provide for my every need like He promises.

I can't believe I wrote all of this down. I am even wondering if I should post this now. I think I wrote this more for my own benefit than ever benefiting those who may happen to read it. More than anything, this post helped me see that I have moved on from the past and have seen how God works through the good and the bad.

So is it "Bad or Good"? Really, all I want to ask is, is what I am going through (good or bad) going to make me more like Christ and bring glory to Him.