The foundations of character are built not by lecture, but by bricks of good example, laid day by day. - Leo B. Blessing
My children watch me. They examine everything I do. Oh no, I don't like this very much because all too much I fail to be a good example for them. All the lectures I have ever preached can be undone just like that. Some days it's hard to maintain self-control when I am tired and stressed out. It's easy to get impatient and unkind when the kids are acting out. I get irritated when they don't do what I ask. I find myself raising my voice when they start to argue and I whine and complain that no one is helping me keep the house clean. Honestly, I have to say that those kind of days do happen and I end up doing the kind of things that I don't want to do, and not do things that I try to teach my children to do.
The other day one of my sweet darlings asked me who disciplines me when I do something naughty. This was just after this child got a discipline for a particular "not so good thing". This certain child tends to keep me on my toes and can stump me pretty good with these type of questions. I preceded to explain that moms and dads are here to teach and train little ones so that they grow up to be law abiding, God fearing adults. This didn't satisfy her too much. I can see why- I really didn't answer her question. What she really wanted to know was, who am I accountable to? This conversation most definitely reminded me that I am accountable for my words and actions and there are consequences for them. God doesn't want me to continue acting in such ways that can be hurtful or destructive to my family.
Most times I feel sick to my stomach for acting in such childish ways; when I throw aside my spirit-filled self and give into my fleshly self. Then there are times that I just want to have my fit. I have it and then feel so much better, but I have 5 other people in the family looking at me like- who are you? Where did you come from? And, why are you acting this way? I may feel a bit better, but I just ran over everyone that I love. These are the times that my actions blow it all.
I had such a fit last week. It was "that" time of month and I felt I deserved to let it all out. I let out all my ugliness for my children and husband to see. It wasn't pretty at all! I was caught in this crazy cycle of not feeling loved or appreciated; which resulted in a bad response that caused those around me to NOT feel love or appreciation toward me. This crazy cycle just kept going until that still small voice or more like a lout booming voice finally got my attention. I felt the Holy Spirits nudging early on, but decided I was not done with my "blah, blah, blah". I wanted to throw my fit just a bit longer until everyone heard me loud and clear. I bet you even my neighbors heard this fit! Sometime, after all the crying and yelling I realized I wasn't getting the response I was looking for. What I needed long before, was to be told to go to my room for a time out. Really, though, would I have listened? Probably not!
After giving up and settling myself in the bed for a long cry because I was so ashamed of my behavior, I started listening to God's voice. He gently was bringing me back to the place where I could seek forgiveness and grace. I needed to put aside my pride and humble myself before Him. Somehow, this is the hardest thing for me to do. I have trouble doing this with my husband, children and God. I know that I am wrong, but I "Hate" to admit it.
I am writing this several days later. I am a humbled wife and mother. I sought forgiveness from my children and husband and received it. I am always amazed at how easily they forgive me. But, I don't want that to give me license to make the same mistakes over and over.
Paul writes in Romans 7 how he has the desire to do the right thing, but finds himself doing just what he doesn't want to do. He goes on to explain that it's the sin in him that is doing it. Yep, this is how I feel! I start the day wanting to be the best mommy, living by example a Godly life, but days don't go perfect. If I am not living a life in step with God and do it all in my own strength then -whoops, I've done it again. I have let that sinful nature take control. In order to live a good example in my home I need to stay attached to Christ all day long. It's constant fellowship, abiding in Him, praying that I am being controlled by the Holy Spirit. It doesn't mean that I am not going to slip up, but those slip ups won't turn into long, outrageous fits that cause destruction. If I am abiding in Christ, then I will be quick to make that 180 degree turn and get back on course.
Yep, my life is an open book and each one of my kids are reading it daily. I am suppose to be their earthly example of living out the fruit of the spirit: love, self control, patience, gentleness, joy, peace. What I say in words can be good and beneficial, but ultimately it's my actions and how I handle myself in difficult situations that will make the lasting impression. It's said, "actions speak louder than words." What I desire more than anything is for them to see their mommy living life through God. I want them to see by example that I CAN NOT, absolutely, positively, no way live a life I desire to live without abiding in Christ.
***************************
For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
(Romans 7:18-25) The Message
“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.
(John 15:5) NLT Translation
My children watch me. They examine everything I do. Oh no, I don't like this very much because all too much I fail to be a good example for them. All the lectures I have ever preached can be undone just like that. Some days it's hard to maintain self-control when I am tired and stressed out. It's easy to get impatient and unkind when the kids are acting out. I get irritated when they don't do what I ask. I find myself raising my voice when they start to argue and I whine and complain that no one is helping me keep the house clean. Honestly, I have to say that those kind of days do happen and I end up doing the kind of things that I don't want to do, and not do things that I try to teach my children to do.
The other day one of my sweet darlings asked me who disciplines me when I do something naughty. This was just after this child got a discipline for a particular "not so good thing". This certain child tends to keep me on my toes and can stump me pretty good with these type of questions. I preceded to explain that moms and dads are here to teach and train little ones so that they grow up to be law abiding, God fearing adults. This didn't satisfy her too much. I can see why- I really didn't answer her question. What she really wanted to know was, who am I accountable to? This conversation most definitely reminded me that I am accountable for my words and actions and there are consequences for them. God doesn't want me to continue acting in such ways that can be hurtful or destructive to my family.
Most times I feel sick to my stomach for acting in such childish ways; when I throw aside my spirit-filled self and give into my fleshly self. Then there are times that I just want to have my fit. I have it and then feel so much better, but I have 5 other people in the family looking at me like- who are you? Where did you come from? And, why are you acting this way? I may feel a bit better, but I just ran over everyone that I love. These are the times that my actions blow it all.
I had such a fit last week. It was "that" time of month and I felt I deserved to let it all out. I let out all my ugliness for my children and husband to see. It wasn't pretty at all! I was caught in this crazy cycle of not feeling loved or appreciated; which resulted in a bad response that caused those around me to NOT feel love or appreciation toward me. This crazy cycle just kept going until that still small voice or more like a lout booming voice finally got my attention. I felt the Holy Spirits nudging early on, but decided I was not done with my "blah, blah, blah". I wanted to throw my fit just a bit longer until everyone heard me loud and clear. I bet you even my neighbors heard this fit! Sometime, after all the crying and yelling I realized I wasn't getting the response I was looking for. What I needed long before, was to be told to go to my room for a time out. Really, though, would I have listened? Probably not!
After giving up and settling myself in the bed for a long cry because I was so ashamed of my behavior, I started listening to God's voice. He gently was bringing me back to the place where I could seek forgiveness and grace. I needed to put aside my pride and humble myself before Him. Somehow, this is the hardest thing for me to do. I have trouble doing this with my husband, children and God. I know that I am wrong, but I "Hate" to admit it.
I am writing this several days later. I am a humbled wife and mother. I sought forgiveness from my children and husband and received it. I am always amazed at how easily they forgive me. But, I don't want that to give me license to make the same mistakes over and over.
Paul writes in Romans 7 how he has the desire to do the right thing, but finds himself doing just what he doesn't want to do. He goes on to explain that it's the sin in him that is doing it. Yep, this is how I feel! I start the day wanting to be the best mommy, living by example a Godly life, but days don't go perfect. If I am not living a life in step with God and do it all in my own strength then -whoops, I've done it again. I have let that sinful nature take control. In order to live a good example in my home I need to stay attached to Christ all day long. It's constant fellowship, abiding in Him, praying that I am being controlled by the Holy Spirit. It doesn't mean that I am not going to slip up, but those slip ups won't turn into long, outrageous fits that cause destruction. If I am abiding in Christ, then I will be quick to make that 180 degree turn and get back on course.
Yep, my life is an open book and each one of my kids are reading it daily. I am suppose to be their earthly example of living out the fruit of the spirit: love, self control, patience, gentleness, joy, peace. What I say in words can be good and beneficial, but ultimately it's my actions and how I handle myself in difficult situations that will make the lasting impression. It's said, "actions speak louder than words." What I desire more than anything is for them to see their mommy living life through God. I want them to see by example that I CAN NOT, absolutely, positively, no way live a life I desire to live without abiding in Christ.
***************************
For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
(Romans 7:18-25) The Message
“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.
(John 15:5) NLT Translation
1 comment:
I COMPLETELY understand and hear you on this one, Kristin. You know. We've talked. Thanks for sharing this, even though it's hard.
I just realized I just posted with the EXACT SAME title! didn't realize it till after the fact:) Mine has a slightly different slant, but it could have read like yours as well...
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