The M.O.M. Awards

by Nancy Kennedy
"Humor for a Women's Heart"



It's Mother's Day. You down cold coffee and soggy toast, ooh and aah over plaster hand prints, and stifle a smile at the homemade card that reads: "Roses are red, vilits are blue, moms are nice, and I am too. Happy Mudder's day moM."

Next you clean up the coffee spills and help your kids find clean socks. You empty the litter box and start a load of wash.

Now you're in church. You maneuver your kids into their seats, separating the kicker from the kickee and the bulletin grabbers from one another. It's time to recognize mothers of distinction. The pastor asks the oldest mother to stand. She gets a round of applause and a carnation. Next, the newest mother is asked to stand. She would if she could, but she's in the crying room...crying with her newborn. (Her carnation gets stuffed inside her diaper bag.) Finally, the mother with the most children is asked to rise. She gets a standing ovation.

Then there's everyone else, including you. You're not the oldest, newest or mostest. You've done nothing to earn recognition, and you wonder if anyone even knows you exist. For that reason the prestigious Mothers of Merit (M.O.M.) Award were created for all the ordinary moms like you and me.

At this year's M.O.M. Awards ceremony, in the "How Does She Do It?" category, the first Mommy goes to you moms who simultaneously nurse you babies, stir cake batter, talk on the phone, wipe up grape juice with you feet and monitor homework.

Nest is the "Only a Mother Would" category. This Mommy is for all of you who suck the salt off French fries before feeding them to your toddlers and consider a good day one in which you get to brush you hair and your teeth. You who regularly give the meatier pieces of the chicken to your husbands and kids- this Mommy's for you.

The Mommy for the dubious "I'm Turning Into My Mother" category is awarded to all of you who have ever said or done anything just like your mothers. This includes: 1.Saying, "I have a bone to pick with you"; 2. Tsk-tsking and finger wagging (preferable at the same time); or 3. Giving "the look."

The final Mommy in the "Is This All There Is to Life?" category goes to all of you who feel overwhelmed by the mundane tasks that make up your lives, who continually spill out your lives for your young ones, who willingly put your dreams on the shelf to serve your God by tying shoelaces and wiping backsides and runny noses. Along with this Mommy, you will receive strength for your tasks, purpose for you lives, grace to continue and the satisfaction of knowing your service in the Lord is never in vain.

Happy Mudder's Day.